


You've Fallen and You Can't Get Up

by flowersalesman



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, I am so bored right now, I am terrible, Not Serious, Reader-Insert, bad language, naughty words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5850940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersalesman/pseuds/flowersalesman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which you fall into the Underground. You are confused as fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Fallen and You Can't Get Up

**Author's Note:**

> Me: wow i really need to write the next chapter of that story i have lol  
> Me: you know what would be great  
> Me: doing one of those weird reader (secretlyselfinsert) stories
> 
> (note: i am not saying that all reader-insert stories are secretlyselfinsert ones. that's just what the case is here. i am a bad person.)  
> (also note: i did not use a thesaurus. you're gonna see the same words over and over again. be prepared for that.)

"What the unholy fuck," you say.

You fell into a mountain. Understandable. You had climbed a mountain, found some weird cliff-type hole that seemed suitably high up the mountain, and then jumped down into it. The mountain, that is. The fact that you fell into a mountain is unsurprising and, perhaps, completely expected.

However, you are not dead. You are also not injured. At first glance, this seems to be because you managed to fall in an oddly square patch of flowers.

"What the shit-flipping fuck," you say again, because what the hell does a patch of flowers think it's doing saving your life, how the hell does that even happen that can't be possible.

You then realize that the room you fell in is really... room-like. You thought you would have to use weird words like "cavern" and "spacious," but you get more of a "dreary waiting room" feeling from this place. There's even a hallway branching off to your left. Wow. How modern.

You decide to stop standing around the creepy life-saving flowers (the audacity) and move forward.

After stepping through an overly decorated doorway, you come across another creepy looking flower. This one has a smiley face on it.

You decided that you have said "fuck" two too many times already so you stay silent.

"Howdy!" the flower says cheerfully. "I'm Flowey. Flowey the Flower!"

"What the fuck," you say, realizing that you have not actually said that enough.

Flowey pouts at you. "Hey now, no need to be rude. I'm just trying to help! You seem new here. Don't you want to know how things work in the Underground?"

You stay silent again, because this is a really weird situation and you honestly don't know what to say besides multiple variations of "what the fuck." Flowey seems to take this as a "yes" and brightens up.

"Well then, I guess I'll show ya!"

Then there is a bright light in front of you, and suddenly you feel empty. Well. Emptier than usual, anyway. You also feel displaced, as if you aren't where you think you are.

"That is your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!"

 _"What the flame-licking fart-spitting fuck,"_ you say emphatically, because this thing apparently has the power to pull out "the very culmination of your being" as if it's nothing and you have no idea what he's planning on showing you with it. You make a note of the fact that while you definitely feel the words coming out of your mouth, they sound a bit behind you.

The creepy flower starts to talk again. It sounds like bullshit. You try to walk away, but you realize that it is not your body that you're moving. It's your soul. It's really, really, weird.

Eventually, you hit some sort of a wall. You go in a different direction.

You seem to hit a wall again.

You feel like you are going nowhere.

Flowey starts to talk about something like "friendliness pellets," which seem like even more bullshit than whatever he was spouting (sprouting?) before. But, hey, the little white pellets do seem harmless. There's probably no harm in listening to him. So you run right into the pure friendliness.

Holy shit on a popsicle you were so wrong.

It's probably not the most painful thing you've ever experienced, but it's a much deeper pain than anything you've felt. You think you are about to die.

Flowey begins to taunt you. The bastard. He has a pretty scary face though, you'll give him that. He forms a ring of friendliness pellets around you, laughing maniacally like the villain he is. You wonder if you should call him a bastard aloud.

Before you can, you are miraculously saved.

"What a terrible creature, torturing such a poor innocent youth," says the nice looking goat lady. She seems significantly more trustworthy than the flower.

"What the heck," you say, because you feel as though you are in polite company.

"Oh! I am sorry, I did not introduce myself. I am Toriel, caretaker of the Ruins."

You are immediately smitten.

"Please, let me show you around. This place is difficult to navigate by yourself." She smiles at you, and oh my god, she looks so fluffy you just want to hug her.

Instead, you follow her.

The "Ruins" are filled with puzzles, it seems. She does the first one for you. Then you have to do the next one by yourself.

You have to say, it's very difficult. Luckily Toriel labeled the switches for you.

"Very good!" Toriel says happily once you manage to flip the first switch. "Now, move on to the next one."

You step on the incredibly small bridge, but get distracted by water. You have the sudden urge to fling yourself in it. Reasoning that this is a completely different world and there's nothing stopping you from fulfilling your dreams here, you do. Oh hell yes.

You are now completely soaked.

"Oh dear!" Toriel says, then helps you out of the water. "That was not a very good idea, now was it? I don't have any towels, so you are going to be wet for a while."

You are now appropriately chastised.

You also feel like your shoes are going to squelch from now on. Maybe that wasn't really a good idea after all, now that you think about it.

Toriel flips the second switch for you. This makes you just a little bit ashamed of your actions.

"As a human in the Underground, monsters may attack you," Toriel says. She then goes on to teach you that, if provoked into a fight, you should start a friendly conversation. That seems reasonable, you think.

"Now, go practice on the Dummy."

You stare at the dummy from a distance. It looks intimidating. You walk to Toriel and ask her what you should say to it.

"Personally, I like to tell jokes," she advises. "Listen to this one: What does a skeleton tile his roof with?"

You wait in anticipation.

"SHIN-gles!"

You do not react.

"Well, I thought it was funny."

You feel bad for not laughing. Especially because you were secretly giggling on the inside.

With this new information, you walk over to the dummy. Your soul appears for the second time. It's not nearly as terrifying as the first time, though you wonder exactly how standing in front of an inanimate object counts as a "fight."

Out of curiosity, you poke the dummy. With your soul.

It vaporizes. Your soul reenters your body. You are freaked the fuck out.

"Oh, no, the dummy is not for fighting!" Toriel says in disappointment. You are now disappointed in yourself. You apologize to Toriel with as must sincerity as you can muster.

"It is fine, my child," she tells you. "But take this as a lesson. Every one of your actions has consequences." Ohmygod you're her child now. This goat lady who's like two feet taller than you has adopted you. Holy heck that's great.

(You are reminded that she is, indeed, about two feet taller than you.  ~~Maybe you are short after all~~ 5'3" is a perfectly average height and no one can convince you differently.)

"There is another puzzle in this room," Toriel says. "I wonder if you can solve it."

Oh man. That last puzzle with the switches was hard enough. You don't think you can handle something else.

Hey look, there's a sign over there. You think you should read-

There is both a froggy thing and your soul in front of you now. It's all very sudden.

The frog doesn't seem to be of the menacing sort. In fact, you can even say that it looks a bit absentminded. This is good, because you know how to deal with the absentminded kind. You tell the froggy-frogger-froggit that it is a very pleasant shade of green today. It seems flattered, though you doubt that it actually understood you.

Then it runs away because Toriel looks at it in a scary manner. On one hand, you are a bit sad because the froggit-thingy seemed pretty nice, but on the other hand, it _was_ a "fight." Toriel's just looking out for you.

Regardless, you can go over and read the sign now.

It seems to be hinting at something. Most likely it's the answer to whatever puzzle Toriel said there was. Something to do with the path you saw, maybe?

Goat-mom is blocking the way though.

"Here, take my hand," she says. You do, even though you're 17 and have not had to hold anybody's hand for quite a while. It's a great experience. Toriel's paw is large and fluffy and squishy and it completely covers your hand.

You both begin to walk on the very large, very dull spikes. You're pretty sure you can lay down on them and not be bothered. They aren't a very good security measure. 

"Puzzles seem a little too dangerous for now," she tells you, even though she let you do like half of the switch one earlier. You agree with her anyways.

The two of you walk into the next room, which is just a very long hallway. You don't think you can even see the end. Toriel turns to you with a serious look on her face.

"Child, I need to ask you to do something." Of course. You like Goat-mom. You'd do quite a lot for Goat-mom. "I need you... to walk to the end of this room by yourself. I am sorry for this."

Toriel quickly walks away, and is soon out of sight.

Oh shit no. You don't think you're prepared for this. You were perfectly happy having your hand being held as you walked across the spikes. Even now, you can practically hear the tension music that means you're about to get attacked by a boss or something.

But no! You can't let Toriel down!

So you steel yourself and prepare to trek across the hallway.

* * *

You have made it across the hallway. Absolutely nothing happened. You are kind of disappointed by this. The tension music that was playing in your head slowly dissipates, as if it, too, is disappointed. You can relate to this.

At the end, there is a pillar. It's very out of place. You walk up to the pillar and stare at it, trying to unnerve it. You think it works. The pillar is suspiciously silent. You leave the pillar, satisfied that you have done your duty.

Suddenly, Toriel appears. You nearly scream, but luckily you keep it to yourself. Toriel doesn't need to know how badly you were surprised.

"I never left you," Toriel explains. "I was merely behind this pillar the whole time. To teach you independence."

Whoa. Does this mean you learned something? Like, a moral? Well, you did manage to walk across the room all by yourself. That's got to count for something. 

Toriel explains that she has to leave. This makes you sad. Then Toriel gives you a cell phone, and says that you can call her any time.

You already have a cell phone, actually. It's an Android because you have dropped too many iPhones and seen them shatter. Then again, you doubt that it actually has service all the way down here. So you accept the cell phone that Toriel gives you. It doesn't have texting ability.

Whatever. You've never really had the need to text anyone before, anyway.

Toriel leaves.

 You decide to sit down and wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

The waiting is interspersed with calls from Toriel, each mentioning how she'll be late, and that she's sorry about that. You haven't gotten one in a while, though.

 After much thinking and internal confidence boosting, you decide to stand up. Take a step. And walk out of the room.

All against Goat-mom's request.

This is incredibly daring of you.

Immediately upon exiting the absurdly long hallway, you see a froggit. You walk over to greet it.

"Ribbit, ribbit," lectures the froggit. Wow. You're glad you decided to talk to this guy. It reminded you to have mercy on monsters, just like what Toriel was trying to tell you. Hopefully you won't have a repeat of the whole dummy debacle.

"Ribbit, ribbit," the froggit says again. It is complete nonsense this time. You disregard it.

For some reason, there are piles of leaves everywhere. You want to jump in them and kick them around. But you remember a childhood of depressingly wet leaves that are limp and stick to your shoes (which are still squelching) and you figure that there is no room for disappointment here.

Instead, you find a bowl of candy. Ignoring those leaves was clearly the best choice.

"Take one!" says the note that someone left. You take one.

Then you take another. You are a little disgusted with yourself.

You take another one anyway. Now you feel like the scum of the earth.

Because you are used to not paying attention to how bad you're feeling, you take another piece of candy. The bowl falls over. This is what happens when you take too much too fast.

You look down at the mess and feel bad. So you leave and go back to the room with the wise froggit, figuring that maybe you should follow the path.

Just as you come to the first turn in the path, you enter a fight. There is a scared-looking moth thing in front of you along with, as always, your soul. The monster looks so terrified that you try to console it. It bursts into tears and runs away.

Welp.

You go through the Ruins like this, solving puzzles and consoling whimsuns and complimenting froggits and running away from evil carrots. You feel pretty adventurous. You even get some money from it, and took the opportunity to buy a donut.

At one point you flirt with a (possibly) sentient jello. That's the highlight of your day, besides meeting Goat-mom.

Speaking of Goat-mom, she's started calling you again. Asking if you've left the room (of course not), wondering whether you prefer cinnamon or butterscotch (you had to choose butterscotch), telling you to leave room in your pockets (which are filled with things like sticks and donuts and ribbons).

When you stop by a mouse hole, you call her back. Just to say hello, at first. But then you call her "mom."

"Would that make you happy? To call me... mother?" she asks. You tell her yes, definitely, you'd love to call her mom. Toriel is very pleased with this.

You immediately call her again, this time opening with one of your best lines. It goes like, _"Can I have a band-aid? I scraped my knee falling for you."_ Goat-mom assumes that you are joking. That is untrue. You are 17 and you like to flirt with everybody. Usually people end up laughing but that's never stopped you before.

You call her again, this time going for a more intense one. _"I lost my teddy-bear. Will you sleep with me instead?"_ It might be going a bit far for Goat-mom, but you need her to understand that You Are A Serious Person.

She calls you an "interesting child." You think you should be offended. You do not try again.

When you move on to the next room, you encounter a ghost. It is saying "z" out loud repeatedly. You understand this ghost. You are reluctant to bother this ghost.

You enter a fight anyway because it's inevitable.

The ghost silently introduces itself as Napstablook. They don't seem to have a sense of humor, though they assure you that they're  _real_ funny. You think that, well okay, the two of you just met, you certainly can't know everything about them.

They begin to cry acid tears on you. You have become fairly well versed in dodging though, so you can avoid these easily enough. You have also come to understand that the monsters are really just trying to defend themselves from you, the scary human (though the only thing you've attacked thus far was the dummy) so you don't really mind as long as you don't die.

With this knowledge in mind, you smile patiently at Napstablook, trying to convey that you are friendly and also that you would really appreciate it if they stopped crying on you. Their next attack never comes so you're pretty sure they got the memo.

You're still in a fight though. You guess it's your turn then. You find it a bit strange how organized and fair these fights are but you don't mind.

You think telling a joke would be a good move. Something like,  _"Why did the sad ghost get into the elevator? So it could lift up their spirits!"_

Napstablook thought it was good. They were right. They do have a sense of humor.

They seem to want to show you something now.

Holy crap it's a top hat made of tears.

"I call it 'dapper blook,'" they tell you. "Do you like it...?"

Hell yes you do. You love hats. You have like ten in your house.

That ends the fight. Napstablook tells you why they went out into the Ruins. You say, hey man, I know the feeling. Hit me up anytime. We can feel like trash together.

You think they appreciate the sentiment.

You continue to follow the path, but only up to the sign. Then you go back because the sign said something about a bakesale and you are all for delicious pastries.

The smaller cobweb calls for seven gold. Lucky for you, walking around being attacked at random times made you pretty rich. So you drop 7G into the web, watch it disappear, and grab the odd-coloured donut some eight legged freaks kindly handed you. Huh. It really is made of spiders. You feel like you already knew this for some reason.

Your good deed done for the day, you continue onwards on your journey. The froggits were, as always, full of wisdom. Toriel calls you again, reminding you to... keep room in your pockets. It's really weird. You swear you've heard this conversation before. You shrug and remind yourself "whatever."

There are more puzzles after that, which you solve because you're just so great. Your difficulty with the switch one was a one-time thing. Nobody could have gotten it on their first try. It was just that hard. The other switch puzzles were pretty tame in comparison.

You meet Napstablook again on the way. You find a ribbon. You have a serious case of deja vu. You do not like deja vu.

You come across a very large tree with leaves all around it. It is here that Toriel finally reappears, though she doesn't really see you at first. You hear your cell phone ring, probably because you see Goat-mom over there calling you, but the noise gave you away. Drat. You think. You're not really sure. You're pretty happy to see her, but then again, she asked you to stay in the one room, and you very obviously did not.

She heals you, because apparently you were hurt. You don't think you're hurt in the way you normally are. Either way you feel better afterwards. Goat-mom begins to speak again. Monsters, you realize, love to take any opportunity to lecture you.

She says that she was probably wrong in leaving you alone though. Nice. Goat-mom should stay and chaperone you. Even though you barely even died you're pretty sure you don't want to run around a world of monsters without an escort.

As you walk to Toriel's house, it begins to occur to you for the first time that you are  _in a world full of monsters._ People thought monsters were extinct. You were told in school that a long time ago there was a war that the monsters lost, and because they disappeared afterwards it was thought that they all died. Or something. You had the bad habit of falling asleep in elementary school.

But this whole time you were playing friendly with a race that was supposed to be gone. You've been literally grabbing gold. You made friends with a goddamn ghost. You've been calling a goat lady "mom."

_You bought a donut made of spiders._

How the hell have you been ignoring this?

For the first time in a while, you say,  _"What the fuck?"_

**Author's Note:**

> all of the text from the game is from memory, which is partly why it's not perfect. the other part is that this is (secretlyme) i mean the reader and not frisk. also, there is like no detail because honestly i'd rather not rehash something i've gone through many times.
> 
> will there be more chapters? i'm not planning on it. maybe if enough people want more but otherwise i don't think so.
> 
> i'm flowersalesman on tumblr if you wanna find me. i get lonely.


End file.
